I was ready to start trying for a baby a few months before my husband, and I was so cautious not to push my timing on to him. We had to wait for him to be ready too of course. I remember the month he told me he was ready and it coincided to the day that my fertility app (which I’d been following for months and months already!) was telling me I was HIGHLY fertile.
I remember whilst doing the deed that night which was our first official time to “try”, thinking how beautiful it was, seriously so special to be making love for the purpose of making a little one of us combined!
It felt pretty special the next day… and the day after that… and then about 15 days later, I got my period and it was like someone had died! Serious heartbreak. It went on like this for months and each month the disappointment got more extreme.
That day my period would arrive I would cry for hours. I wanted a baby so so so badly. I started to think I will never be a Mum. This is never going to work for me. I would pee on a stick within hours of my period being “late” and a faint line would appear. Pregnant! 3 days later, the Aunt Flo comes to town and the tears start all over again. I was told by my GP that these could potentially have been miscarriages at the very early stages so she sent me off to a fertility specialist.
The fertility specialist did the usual checks and said we both checked out pretty well, but that until such time as a I got my stress under control I had no chance. He told me that with my levels of stress, he would only prescribe Chinese Medicine/Accupuncture in the first instance.
I ended up resigning from the sole reason that I was so stressed; my job. So with a new job on the way it wasn’t ideal timing to start “trying” again. So hubby and I decided to put it on hold for a few months.
The moment we stopped trying, the weight was lifted. I discovered yoga, meditation, read books, improved my health (gut health) and subsequently lost some weight. Bonus! I feel so unbelievably calm in comparison to where I was whilst trying. My body was not qualified to be a Mum with that stress I was under. I needed to discover all these amazing stress tools and looks after myself first before trying to bring a little baby in to the mess.
The Chinese Medicine man tells me to stop planning, go with the flow, don’t count days, don’t make temperature charts, just be and trust your body will make it happen when the time is right.
The irony is, now that I am considered prime for baby making, the desperation for one has gone.
The love for one is still strong and I’ll have no problem there, but I feel at total peace that it hasn’t happened yet and feel totally confident that it will happen in one way or another when this body of mine is ready.
Love yourselves ladies!! Xx
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